1. “I know/Exactly” — Arrogance as a Mask for Insecurity

Example: Discussing the effectiveness of different vaccine manufacturers

The sharer:

“Did you know? Different manufacturers produce the same vaccine with varying effectiveness. For instance, Beijing Sinovac’s vaccine is quite common here, but some parents say it’s not as effective as others.”

Me:

“Oh yeah, I know! People have been saying that for ages—Sinovac sells well, but it’s not that great.”

The sharer:

“Uh… right. Still, I think for kids, we should be more cautious and pick manufacturers with better reputations.”

Me:

“Exactly, that’s definitely the better choice. No debate there.”

Result: The other person’s tone became neutral, and it was clear they no longer felt there was room for further discussion.

Why is this habit so annoying?

1. It lacks patience and respect:
When someone takes the time to share something with you, it’s often to spark a discussion or express their perspective. By cutting them off with “I know,” you make it seem like what they’re sharing is insignificant, unoriginal, or not worth discussing.

2. Arrogance hides insecurity:
The “I already know that” reaction is often a psychological defense. It stems from a fear of appearing ignorant or weak. By rushing to show how much you know, you’re actually revealing your own self-doubt.

3. It kills meaningful conversations:
“I know” ends the dialogue prematurely. Even if you’re familiar with the topic, you might miss the opportunity to explore the other person’s unique take or uncover insights you hadn’t considered.

A better approach

• If you already know, try responding with:“Yeah, I’ve heard about that, but I haven’t looked into it deeply. What’s your take? Why do you think it’s so widely used despite the mixed reviews?”

• If you’re less familiar, be honest:“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that. What do you think about it?”

2. “It’s fine” — Humility as a Mask for Self-Neglect

Example: A caring suggestion to cool down

The carer:

“The car feels pretty warm, and you’re wearing such a heavy coat. Don’t you feel stuffy? Do you want to take it off?”

Me:

“It’s fine. I’m used to it. Don’t worry, I’m good.”

The carer:

“But you’re sweating a little. Let me open the window for you.”

Me:

“Really, it’s fine. No need to bother.”

Result: They fell silent, clearly feeling that their kindness had been rejected. They didn’t say much after that.

Why is this habit so annoying?

1. It disregards your own needs:
Saying “It’s fine” is often a way to downplay your own discomfort or avoid admitting you need help. The hidden message behind “It’s fine” is: “I don’t deserve this attention” or “My needs aren’t important enough to address.”

2. It dismisses others’ kindness:
When someone shows concern for you, they’re offering a gesture of care. Brushing it off with “It’s fine” shuts down their attempt to connect, leaving them feeling unappreciated or even rejected.

3. It ends emotional connection:
“It’s fine” acts as a conversational dead end. By refusing to engage, you block further emotional exchange and weaken the bond between you and the other person.

A better approach

• If you feel warm but don’t want to trouble someone, try:“Thanks for noticing—it is a bit warm. I’ll take off my coat in a moment. I appreciate it!”

• If the offer is genuinely helpful, accept it:“That’d be great. Could you open the window for me? Thanks so much!”

Conclusion: Speaking Well Requires Growth